Many of you know that I am 'waffling' on the idea of having more kids. Sentimentally, I like the idea of having more. Abram keeps talking about how he needs more sons. ( I know, I know! I keep telling him the odds are against him) I knew we couldn't just have one, that seems pretty mean to the poor child. To lay all your attention, hopes, etc all on their lap. I knew we couldn't just have two. They would fight all the time, try to pit each parent against the other, etc. There would be constant sibling rivalry. I knew we couldn't just have 3. I definitely don't want to deal with 'middle child' syndrome. I know you can't help with 'oldest child' syndrome, or 'baby' syndrome, but the edge seems to be taken off those when there are more than 3. I've thought to myself that 4 seems perfect. There are enough playmates to go around, enough variety to keep others from being too competetive, enough 'partners' if we ever want to ride the rides at Disneyland, and enough craziness to keep any One from getting too much attention. Now that I am 'due' to be getting pregnant again ( if I want to keep on my former schedule of birthing babies every 20 months or so) I try to keep from getting stressed out about whether or not we "should". I know the answer to that, we definitely *shouldn't* have anymore, but do I really WANT to? To be perfectly honest, I'm scared. And it might surprise you what I'm scared about. I'm not scared about the whole pregnancy/labor/delivery due to a wonderful, spiritual awesome experience I had with Lachlan. I'm not worried about being able to 'afford' them. I was raised pretty poor and I'm not afraid of not having money. Besides, it looks like everyone might be in that category soon. (HOPE NOT!) I'm not even really afraid of whether or not I can 'handle' that many kids and stay sane, or not wind up in jail. (that's kind of a joke) I am actually afraid of having a #5 Child. What is that, you may ask? It's the child that REALLY works you over. Don't get me wrong, I already have at least 3 that are pretty challenging. I haven't gotten lucky to get an easy-going, well-mannered, go-with-the-flow kind of kid. But of the large-ish families I know, the #5 child seems to be Extra Special! (No offense if any of you are the #5, I didn't have you in mind!) So right now, I acknowledge the challenges I've been given and so far, we are ok. But I am really frightened of throwing a #5 into the mix. I really couldn't handle one like my little brother, bless his soul. I think I have PTSS just from living with him all those years. I like to think I'm adventurous and take life on with a smile, but I just don't know if I can take this jump into the unknown.... I'm probably overreacting, but you know that saying about cutting your losses while you're ahead, (or something like that) I feel like that should apply here. Not barring the unseen future, we've been relatively lucky not to have any major mishaps or medical problems or behavioral ordeals. What is it that keeps you from having more children?
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5 comments:
I feel like I'm in the same boat. My husband just says "if you want more kids then we need to get crackin', cause I want them out of the house by the time I'm 45" :)
But I'm not sure we have space in our house, and Claire is pretty set against having a little sibling, and we are just starting to have more freedom...ugh, it's so hard to know what to do :)
Good luck with your decision...maybe it will just happen and you won't have to make the call ;)
Why do you say "we definitely *shouldn't* have more kids". I used to be totally set in my schedule, but then decided I really needed a brake. Why not wait another year or so, and if you still want more, then have 2 more close together. Maybe if you have a few years before #5, you'll be able to give him/her more attention and make sure they get enough love and won't be too much of a problem child. I don't know the answer though, I don't even know it for myself. We went through this for a long time, and finally have decided that we've waited long enough. If only we could use those wee hours of the evening more "productively" ;)
Your #5 won't be your mother's #5, just as your #1-4 aren't your mother's #1-4. Every child is unique and has his or her own personality, strengths, and challenges. Sometimes the personality is the strength and the challenge. But one thing you can always be sure to be able to say about children: we're not sorry we decided to have him or her.
Jessica- does this mean you've decided to have more? Or are you still waiting to adopt?
I'm not sure that I want to have 2 more.. but I dont' like odd numbers.
If I could just have a set of twins I would be happy.
how do I email my replies to you like you do to me?
Wow, you are a brave woman to even consider 5. Good for you! I am all for great, strong families having lots of kids. This will only affirm you being in minority. And that's awesome!
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